The amount of times I still cry when I look at Malachi and also right before he goes to sleep when I’m reading him a book that refers even REMOTELY To how much I love him is inexcusable (but also very sweet). but also get a grip, girl.

Then I told Chris about how I cried while reading him a book and I start crying again. heeeelp

While Malachi is sick with a cold, I:

- share his food

- kiss his snotty nose

- wipe his snot and get boogers in my hand and forget to wash my hands

- maintain 1 inch minimum distance from his face for most of the day

- everything I would do if he was perfectly healthy. 

it’s ok

Love is…

on a Friday, mentioning that it’s a Friday. Christopher says “today is Tuesday” and I believed him [& that I was losin’ my mind] without even checking. I just believed him. And today is Friday!!!!

he denies he said it’s Tuesday but i heard it

The things I need to accept it’s just ME, since I’m not pregnant and I can’t blame it on pregnancy hormones:

I’m have a bad memory

I might have a UTI, to explain why I'm peeing a lot

I’m just sleepy

Christopher is sitting on the porch,

eating peanut butter with a spoon, and wearing his slips at midnight on a Wednesday. “it’s the life, isn’t it, Kristin?” I guess we’ve made it

I just spent a lot of money ($25) on nail polish, but I didn’t plan on wearing any polish until I got pregnant(?). So now I’ll have it to TEASE me until I’m pregnant. it’s motivation to grow my nails long and also to get pregnant

-the silly silly things that take space in my mind. But I think this is a hack

I do the silliest additional things when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. This morning I plucked my eyebrows, yesterday lotioned my face, before that I applied scar tape. It seems like a waste not to? Gotta get on a better bathroom schedule

I cried (wept) last night from 3:15am until ~5:30 am because Achilles jumped off the bed and was wandering around our bedroom so I thought she was losing her eyesight because she’s getting old and is going to die soon. I can’t imagine my life without her and I cried (WEPT) for 2 hours without pause. 

I told Christopher this morning and he only laughed because “we have black out curtains - of course she was lost. It’s pitch black.” 

This story just to prove how much I love her. It’s very real and intense for me today

When I’m home, I dress in a way that I feel compelled to confirm with Chris that I don’t do it in public. Does that make sense? e.g. I just said “you saw that I didn’t wear my castle pants to lunch, right? I wore black pants.”

????

I can’t wait until I’m pregnant because 1. baby on the way, but 2. I’ll have an excise for crying about things that are so dumb. “it’s pregnancy hormones”

- to call Malachi a California King but not like a king of California, like the mattress

I’m crackin’ myself up over here

I successfully taught Malachi to wipe his mouth and nose on his shirt and when he does it I could not be more proud

Not trying to brag, but I accidentally stuck my arm through the armpit hole in my shirt, thinking it was the arm slot.

My husband says “Why do you wear that shirt? We have enough money to buy a new one, Kristin.”

I’ve had it since 2008. I can’t throw it away now? !

How we’re doing Christmas for Malachi:

• No Santa Claus

• 4 gifts from mama and papa: something you need, something you want, something that teaches you about the Bible (this category will change yearly), and something you read

• Fun presents in the stocking, but I’m very limited by how much I can fit

The point is to make Christmas about Jesus, not greed and material things. I’m passionate about it.

that being said,

it’s only October but it’s already so FREAKING HARD to not buy many presents for Malachi now that he laughs and plays and is the perfect boy. (He was too young to be laughing and playing last year, but he was perfect). When we made this plan I didn’t realize how much fun it is to buy toddler toys

I’ve accidentally taught Malachi to put his finger into fan blades. I’ve caught him doing it to three different fans. Hahah ooopsie

Unreasonable things that make me cry, pt. 31: Not One Minute More by Earl Grant (song). It’s a sweet song so this isn’t ridiculous, but I was weeping. I got a negative pregnancy test last night so I don’t have any justification for this. ?!

Raised him right: Malachi dances when I play Billy Joel, etc. but sits like Stonehenge when I play Veggie Tales, Kids Bop, other kid music

Malachi is like a grandpa: He always has a balled up tissue in his hand. I truly don’t know where he’s getting them, but every time I take it from him and throw it away, he gets another one. FROM WHERE?!

something about the nighttime that makes me want to buy things on Temu.

not* “somebody stop me,” because Christopher already has. But I still look???

I tried one week of listening to Veggie Tales/kid music with Malachi and I just CAN’T. I wake up singing kid songs and I can’t stop. You don’t know what it’s like to have the New Testament sang by a cucumber in your head all day. He’s back to Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, and Sinatra this week.

This post to prove that I tried