I have a new tea (hot cranberry spice) that I would never think would taste good but TURNS OUT it tastes exactly like pesto pasta. couldn’t be happier

I say this every winter, but it’s worth repeating: being paralyzed in the winter is great because my hands are [always] popsicles and I can sit on them, put them under thigh, warm them on my belly and I won’t feel the cold on my skin. Only the warm. it’s the beEeEest

Christopher doesn’t read my blog, so I can brag about me and Malachi‘s break-glass-things–then-clean-it-up-or-buy–a-replacement-before-he-notices skill. I’ve never been able to hide anything from him before, so I’m very excited about it. We just broke our 9th thing! but he found out about the 6 plates

(the only, maybe?) Perk of having memory problems is I can watch a tv show, forget about it, then watch it LIKE NEW 6 months later. This might be the third time for this show! who knows, really

I have a rain shower head in my shower that I can only get halfway out of (to put soap in my hair, etc.), so at least my right leg is under the water at all times.

Makes sense?

So when I try to shave it, the soap sunsets off immediately and it is futile. So I don’t even try anymore. So THERE’S MY EXCUSE for a hairy right thigh and the rest is shaven. if anyone ever notices I can send them to this blog post.

I just discovered a hack to trick myself into hanging my laundry: take it out of the dryer while it’s damp so that it’ll mildew unless I hang it now. I just wash, dry, folded a load all in the same day for the first time in as long as I can remember

If I’m cooking for you, guarantee there will be a hair. Cooking for family? Laugh it off. Cooking for guests? We’re all eating Kristin’s hair. it’s ok, I don’t cook often 

BUT WHEN I DO……………a hair Malachi learns this with banana bread this morning

Christopher and I both work from home and we share an office but still somehow I feel lie I need to wave “bye” every time I leave my desk (bathroom, snack, for Malachi, etc.). It’s my toxic trait? Or it’s just reeeeally sweet. he ignored it a lot

I make Malachi tots every day for lunch, knowing he doesn’t like them, knowing he won’t eat them, knowing I will. Why can’t I just put the tots on my plate and skip the drama, I dunno. it’s denial, somehow

I woke up at 3am, excited to write on this blog “I dreamed about eating nuts, then when I woke up my stomach felt full of nuts. Dreams are wild, man.” But now I’m awake and in hindsight it’s not very cool or special. But here I am, being true to myself (?!)

Christopher and Malachi went to my in-laws for dinner without me (my choice, it’s ok) and I absolutely feel single again. It’s like I entered another dimension. Me and Achilles are in the house alone, I’m eating popcorn, and watching Netflix. Sounds great, is not great. They’ve been gone for two hours and I am NOT HAPPY as a single woman. why am i so dramatic

— note that I’m only wearing them on days I don’t leave the house —

AT WHAT AGE is too old to still be wearing my high school field hockey and high school Key Club shirts? At what age is that almost predatory?

I’m 34 now and I don’t think it’s that bad but a 40 year old with that shirt on? Do I stop when my son reaches high school age? They still fit fine so there’s no stopping me??

Wholesome family new years

(what was it LIKE to go out on New Years Eve, I don’t even remember)

The trick is, when I remember something I was trying to recall at a time I can’t write it down (shower, driving), don’t stop thinking about the thing. That way it’s always on my mind so I can’t forget it again.

SO. I just spent my whole shower thinking about Howard Stern so I wouldn’t lose his name by the time I got out. 🙂

My New Year’s resolution is to stop making groan noises when I bend over. It has gotten out of control

my problem is

I’m so over it by the time I shave one leg, I have no interest in shaving my other leg, so they’re always uneven and confusing. I just didn’t After Christmas Leg Shave and it was so boring I only shaved the right side. Is this normal OR WHAT

The amount of times I still cry when I look at Malachi and also right before he goes to sleep when I’m reading him a book that refers even REMOTELY To how much I love him is inexcusable (but also very sweet). but also get a grip, girl.

Then I told Chris about how I cried while reading him a book and I start crying again. heeeelp

While Malachi is sick with a cold, I:

- share his food

- kiss his snotty nose

- wipe his snot and get boogers in my hand and forget to wash my hands

- maintain 1 inch minimum distance from his face for most of the day

- everything I would do if he was perfectly healthy. 

it’s ok

Love is…

on a Friday, mentioning that it’s a Friday. Christopher says “today is Tuesday” and I believed him [& that I was losin’ my mind] without even checking. I just believed him. And today is Friday!!!!

he denies he said it’s Tuesday but i heard it

The things I need to accept it’s just ME, since I’m not pregnant and I can’t blame it on pregnancy hormones:

I’m have a bad memory

I might have a UTI, to explain why I'm peeing a lot

I’m just sleepy