On the theme of doing things for the first time that everyone has been doing for a long time (see: fake nails):

I took my first pregnancy test today(!): peed in a cup, sunk the stick, waited for 5 minutes. Then I was bummed because it said nothing? I dipped it in the wrong way but I poured out the pee so then I had to drink lots and wait for 5 more HOURS.

hahahaha but I’m not pregnant. This isn’t how I’d announce it