Also, all the ants died. All. The. Ants. Died.

I should have asked my neighbor to go to my house and feed them an oat while I was gone, but didn’t think about it. I feel guilty about this

All the fluids from the hospital made my body a CHUNK (and thighs bigger than they’ve been in 12 years/probably the size of a normal person) and it’s making me reconsider pregnancy. Transfers were so tricky and my body was so heavy.

so

glad

I’m a woman and I could pee it all out. Motivation to not be fat or pregnant

There’s an ice cream shop underneath my publisher’s office that I always say I’m going to reward myself and visit but I never do because of the sugar. MY SECOND BOOK IS SUBMITTED SO I DESERVE CELEBRATION but I got a vegetable wrap instead. I do not know what fun is

STUCK in the hospital for the 12 year anniversary of my accident. that’s fitting

I added cauliflower to my smoothies and my life is different

I tricked the cute boy at Staples to making plans with me this weekend. He’s the one that printed my Beyoncé baby shower pictures so he knows I’m a crazy person. TRICKED HIM.

I gave my ant babies 2 pumpkin seeds and I think some of them died because of the salt. I want to discuss this with someone

newest way to woo me:

ask to see my ant farm, or just talk about them. I love these guys (60)

I just got out of going to dinner with an attractive man by saying “I look like woo, though”

HAHAHAHA

he responded by saying “still a kissable woo,” which was a good response. But no

I took advantage of quality toilet paper my whole life but then
I bought
4 rolls for $.59 at Aldi and it WON’T TEAR. (such a good deal, though)

There’s a dead fly in front of my bedroom door and my front door that have been there for 3 days. I don’t want to pick them up BECAUSE DIRTY so I’m hoping Achilles will just eat them to get it over with

kristinbeale:

kristinbeale:

I’ve made a comic (for my new book) out of all the dates I’ve had for the past 3 months and I’m realizing that the only reason I want to go on dates anymore is to make a comic out of them. so hopefully they’re all really bad so I can have a good story

looking, always looking for reasons to get excited about dating again

the guy I went on a date with tonight said “can I see the comic if you make one about our date?” and I had to change the subject/not respond because he might be really bummed if I showed him what I drew

note: in the third box he’s telling me to “use other people’s sympathy to get them to open the door for you.” 

dude said that 3 TIMES until I called him out. so funny and bad

A man [whom I didn’t recognize but he recognized me] passed me on the sidewalk in Richmond and called “Achilles Jones.” When I turned around he said he couldn’t remember my name but he remembers Achilles’ name. (success)
He interviewed me for a video project last month and I had Achilles with me of course. she stole the show

I went on 3 dates today.
THREE
DATES
in one day.
one loves anime and is moving to China; one never stopped talking and bouncing; and one was attractive and a vegan on the week days. I don’t get excited about this stuff anymore

kristinbeale:

I’ve made a comic (for my new book) out of all the dates I’ve had for the past 3 months and I’m realizing that the only reason I want to go on dates anymore is to make a comic out of them. so hopefully they’re all really bad so I can have a good story

looking, always looking for reasons to get excited about dating again

the guy I went on a date with tonight said “can I see the comic if you make one about our date?” and I had to change the subject/not respond because he might be really bummed if I showed him what I drew

Dad is complaining that I “put all the boys in the Friend Zone.”

I have a friend named Jennifer and if I talk to her/am around her for long enough I get Jenny From The Block by Jennifer Lopez stuck in my head. IT’S HORRIBLE

Playing with Achilles’ heart
I tell her I love her all the way to Pluto and back but Pluto is it a planet anymore so technically my love is nonexistent. She’ll never figure that out

I matched with a cutie on Bumble whose profile says “only Spanish.” Meaning this dude doesn’t speak English. I’m up for the challenge? It has been 20 minutes and I haven’t unmatched him yet (rarely happens. seriously) and 🙌🏼 Google Translate

I just sold a book to the guy that came to my house trying to sell me pest-control. HA. When the customer becomes the vendor He was also very cute so I followed him in my car to give him a water bottle. It was creepy (who’s surprised??)