I recorded this video 77 times and every time I messed up I made a FART NOISE by accident. 76 farting outtakes. enjoy it

Easter 2020, in my kitchen. CHURCH in my kitchen, PANCAKES in my kitchen, THE DAY in my kitchen. It was weird but we were together so it’s cool

update on the Cheddar Jalapeno chips:

 I want to eat them all the time but Chris is working from my kitchen and I don’t want him to see me eating chips all the time. so I snuck them into my bathroom so he wouldn’t hear the crinkles of the bag, but he walked in with Achilles and saw them on the counter. now he think I was eating them on the toilet and calls them my Poop Chips, and I have a bigger problem than when I started. 

I just ordered 7 boxes of A Million Suns(!!). Stay tuned for my desperate attempts to market the book via quarantine.

I’ve called Chris “Dad” four times today and not gotten away with it once. ? but why

Chris says we love each other more than Mary and Joseph. Like, Jesus’ parents

Christopher and I were on a podcast called Spying on Humanity, episode called “Dating with a Disability.” Subscribe to the podcast and listen! or, listen to it here.

Things I’m thankful for during quarantine:

- that I’m not alone in this house all day (Chris and Bby Joe)
- Cheddar Jalapeno potato chips
- these live cam penguins
- the GAMING COMPUTER I bought that’ll be here on Thursday, and hopefully so will my desire to play computer games. It’s a desktop computer, which is cool. send recommendations, pls.
- that Chris likes to cook. if I was alone I’d be eating yogurt and popcorn for most meals, I’m serious
- dinners with my family, a bunch of loons

Bad idea during quarantine: a family-sized pack of Oreo cookies

Every time I tell Chris how much I love him (SO MUCH) he looks at my drink

What am I doing during quarantine? 

well

I’ve been watching a peregrine falcon atop PG&E headquarters in San Francisco on my second monitor all day (here). WAITING FOR THE EGGS TO HATCH. (it’s v boring) (but maybe I’ll see something happen). An alive falcon is kinda cool to have on my desk[top computer], though. the days are long this week.

Chris is working from home during the quarantine and everything about it is perfect

except

I bought a family size bag of salt & vinegar chips and I can’t eat them in the way I want to (fast & by-the-handful) because he’ll see me and how not-cute I can get

a reminder. order my boooooooooooooook 

I’m 29 but how old is too old to wear my high school field hockey team t shirt? (it still fits well) the answer is: when my face/body looks old enough to not be in high school anymore. People still believe I might be

I just rolled down the entire hallway of the dorms at Olympic Training Center (with all my male coaches staying in the rooms) in my pajama shirt & underwear to get to the bathroom. What in the actual world is wrong with me.

I’m here, but I’m stupid-acting (please zoom)

Try to say “A Million Suns” 10 times fast. (then go to my website and pre-order a copy) www.kristinbeale.com

Pausing this video at the right moments to catch my face looking ugly. Hahahaha try it

On days where I stay inside and write all day, I don’t put on pants until minutes MINUTES before Chris comes home (~4:30pm). Whereas if I lived alone, I just wouldn’t get dressed all day. More benefits of living with that beautiful creature

(There are no cons. I still straighten my hair before bed but that’s okay)

Tonight I gave Chris his wedding present early (his own head for my water pik) because I was too excited and couldn’t wait. Then I was bummed because I don’t have a present for him on our wedding night anymore but then I remembered hahahaha my virginity