I tried to scan this picture I drew:

but this kept coming out:

(HAHA) oops. also, why

link dump, articles-written-by-me dump

Mistakes Were Made click here

“Help!” click here

Owning It click here

Death of the Apology click here

Alone, Together click here

Dating During COVID click here

that’s a lot, but they’re so fun. cheeeeeeck it out

I’ve been dating Chris for 12 months, living with Chris for 8 months, quarantined for 3 months, and I’m still living under the umbrella of “I am a lady and ladies don’t poop.” It’s impressive, really. I think I’ve tricked him?

www.kristinbeale.com ! same or next-day delivery, STILL. quarantine doesn’t stop us (me) 

The new poop chip: OREOS, and I’m ob sess ed.

Last week I emailed Nabisco and told them I will be an influencer, unpaid, “because I love the cookie that much.” I sent it to 3 addresses and haven’t heard back, so I’m a loony. I’m about to Amazon Prime them to myself because I can’t wait 2 days for our Friday grocery trip. what is wrong with me

one year anniversary with this TOTAL BABE. wow I did it

The toilet clogged after I only peed and flushed, so I told chris and he was confused, trying to figure out why. Right before I peed, I flushed a Q Tip like he always tells me not to do so I’m pretty sure that’s why it clogged, but i can’t never admit it to him. I’m guilty but I don’t feel ANY GUILT.

Chris and I made a goodnight song to the tune of the Bagel Bites theme song 

I recorded this video 77 times and every time I messed up I made a FART NOISE by accident. 76 farting outtakes. enjoy it

Easter 2020, in my kitchen. CHURCH in my kitchen, PANCAKES in my kitchen, THE DAY in my kitchen. It was weird but we were together so it’s cool

update on the Cheddar Jalapeno chips:

 I want to eat them all the time but Chris is working from my kitchen and I don’t want him to see me eating chips all the time. so I snuck them into my bathroom so he wouldn’t hear the crinkles of the bag, but he walked in with Achilles and saw them on the counter. now he think I was eating them on the toilet and calls them my Poop Chips, and I have a bigger problem than when I started. 

I just ordered 7 boxes of A Million Suns(!!). Stay tuned for my desperate attempts to market the book via quarantine.

I’ve called Chris “Dad” four times today and not gotten away with it once. ? but why

Chris says we love each other more than Mary and Joseph. Like, Jesus’ parents

Christopher and I were on a podcast called Spying on Humanity, episode called “Dating with a Disability.” Subscribe to the podcast and listen! or, listen to it here.

Things I’m thankful for during quarantine:

- that I’m not alone in this house all day (Chris and Bby Joe)
- Cheddar Jalapeno potato chips
- these live cam penguins
- the GAMING COMPUTER I bought that’ll be here on Thursday, and hopefully so will my desire to play computer games. It’s a desktop computer, which is cool. send recommendations, pls.
- that Chris likes to cook. if I was alone I’d be eating yogurt and popcorn for most meals, I’m serious
- dinners with my family, a bunch of loons

Bad idea during quarantine: a family-sized pack of Oreo cookies

Every time I tell Chris how much I love him (SO MUCH) he looks at my drink

What am I doing during quarantine? 

well

I’ve been watching a peregrine falcon atop PG&E headquarters in San Francisco on my second monitor all day (here). WAITING FOR THE EGGS TO HATCH. (it’s v boring) (but maybe I’ll see something happen). An alive falcon is kinda cool to have on my desk[top computer], though. the days are long this week.