What do people call their kids these days- sweetie, honey, babe? Ours is Buttcheek Boy

My and Dad’s new game(?) is to see other babies in public then call each other and talk about how much cuter Malachi is. No baby is safe, I don’t care how beautiful it is

What happened was I was eating chocolate, I bit into it and a piece dropped into my lap (wasn’t wearing pants), I couldn’t find it, the chocolate melted. Then I found melted chocolate later on my underwear. It’s not a poop smear on my underwear, but Christopher will neeeever believe me

I want to teach Malachi that the word for poop is “winnie” (poop>poo>Winnie the Pooh>winnie) but he WON’T LET ME. standby, I’m not giving up

Malachi doesn’t suck his thumb, he sucks his pointer finger. baby genius?

My dad taught me not to mouth-breathe by putting his fingers in my open mouth (ew), so I’m trying the same thing with Malachi but he just starts sucking on it (kinda ew)

- not tryna brag, but -

Malachi sleeps so long sometimes that I need to check if he’s still breathing. How much he sleeps is the most boooooooring thing and definitely not a brag.

I started taking a vitamin that makes my armpits smell like maple syrup??? it’s real but Chris won’t smell

Now that I’m not breastfeeding anymore, the sound of my breast pumps are the background to my life

(tmi? help)

I find pieces of granola in my bra, on my seat underneath my butt, and in my hair(?) throughout the day. It’s like a scavenger hunt, but one I can eat

I know I eventually did get pregnant but, for the record, I do not swear by fertiliTEA. I got swindled

I love Achilles so much and I want to squeeze her as hard as I love her. But then her eyeballs would pop out

I had a dream about this. Nightmare?

Malachi peed in my face while I was changing his diaper and I’m only excited that it fiiinally happened

& if that’s not love, WHAT IS. yaknow

The good part about breastfeeding every 3 hours even during the night is that I don’t sleep long enough to get morning breath.

— when I breathe in Malachi’s face he smiles, and don’t tell me that’s just a reflex

In talking to men about motherhood/breastfeeding, I’ve lost my sense of how much detail is too much? Is it an overshare to talk about my milk supply, my nips? Why am I talking to men about breastfeeding in the first place? help

Malachi smiles when I play him Sinatra, don’t TELL ME that’s just a reflex. I’m raising a baby me

Research: it’s better to have noise while a baby takes daytime naps (vs. complete silence) so it’ll be able to sleep in all environments, instead of only ideally quiet&dark ones. 

Application: I play Phantom of the Opera soundtrack during nap time! If Malachi can sleep through opera’s shouting and bellowing, he can sleep through anything? Also it’s my favorite

My postpartum emotions are such that I often need to distract myself while Malachi is breastfeeding so that I don’t look in his eyes and start crying (BAWLING, really) because he’s so beautiful and I love him so much. How do girls do this every day (be so emotional)????

I was excited because I thought I had a black eye, then I scrubbed my face because I thought it might be ran mascara. Then Christopher said they’re sleepy bags under my eyes and he’s RIGHT because I took a shower and it didn’t go away. I’ve never had sleepy bags before! Being a mom is so fun, seriously

I just put my wedding rings on for the first time in 6 months and they’re tight! Not coming off without a fight!

But I’m just tired of being hit on by single men so often. Like, guys I’m married.

(jk no one has hit on me. it’s ok)