It’s so funny that Malachi loves milk so much

Malachi is 2 months old and I’m already ITCHIN’ for another baby. I just love him and being a mom so much. somebody stop me (you can’t hehehe)

Malachi is like a chocolate soft serve machine

DO YOU GET IT

Sorry! (& I’m not) that I have to stop text messaging with people (& family) who “heart” and “thumbs up” my text messages instead of using words to respond. why is that a thing

What do people call their kids these days- sweetie, honey, babe? Ours is Buttcheek Boy

My and Dad’s new game(?) is to see other babies in public then call each other and talk about how much cuter Malachi is. No baby is safe, I don’t care how beautiful it is

What happened was I was eating chocolate, I bit into it and a piece dropped into my lap (wasn’t wearing pants), I couldn’t find it, the chocolate melted. Then I found melted chocolate later on my underwear. It’s not a poop smear on my underwear, but Christopher will neeeever believe me

I want to teach Malachi that the word for poop is “winnie” (poop>poo>Winnie the Pooh>winnie) but he WON’T LET ME. standby, I’m not giving up

Malachi doesn’t suck his thumb, he sucks his pointer finger. baby genius?

My dad taught me not to mouth-breathe by putting his fingers in my open mouth (ew), so I’m trying the same thing with Malachi but he just starts sucking on it (kinda ew)

- not tryna brag, but -

Malachi sleeps so long sometimes that I need to check if he’s still breathing. How much he sleeps is the most boooooooring thing and definitely not a brag.

I started taking a vitamin that makes my armpits smell like maple syrup??? it’s real but Chris won’t smell

Now that I’m not breastfeeding anymore, the sound of my breast pumps are the background to my life

(tmi? help)

I find pieces of granola in my bra, on my seat underneath my butt, and in my hair(?) throughout the day. It’s like a scavenger hunt, but one I can eat

I know I eventually did get pregnant but, for the record, I do not swear by fertiliTEA. I got swindled

I love Achilles so much and I want to squeeze her as hard as I love her. But then her eyeballs would pop out

I had a dream about this. Nightmare?

Malachi peed in my face while I was changing his diaper and I’m only excited that it fiiinally happened

& if that’s not love, WHAT IS. yaknow

The good part about breastfeeding every 3 hours even during the night is that I don’t sleep long enough to get morning breath.

— when I breathe in Malachi’s face he smiles, and don’t tell me that’s just a reflex

In talking to men about motherhood/breastfeeding, I’ve lost my sense of how much detail is too much? Is it an overshare to talk about my milk supply, my nips? Why am I talking to men about breastfeeding in the first place? help

Malachi smiles when I play him Sinatra, don’t TELL ME that’s just a reflex. I’m raising a baby me