my hospital nurse started calling me “babe” and “girl” so I think I’ve been here for too long

Mom tied a cherry to a piece of yarn and hung it from the tv in our hospital room

The worst part about being in the hospital is not having my Baby Joe with me. I just can’t believe she’ll be mine when I get out of here. How cool is that

I’m going to name my first born child “MRSA” in honor of this week but also because cute

the only other advantage of being sick (the first is skipping work) / proof that I’m obsessed:
my heart rate gets in the “fat burn zone” when I transfer out of bed, the shower, anywhere. thanks Fit Bit

you better call Achilles with the good hair

I’m taking Prednisone because I lost my hearing.
I’m losing eyesight because I’m taking Prednisone.
I’m Helen Keller deaf mute until I’m off medication on 05/31.
Safe to drive??

ever since February, scraping band aid sticky off my skin has become my favorite hobby/pasttime. I found a diamond in the haystack! Making the best out of a bad situation! Popping my cherries

I’m wearing an ear plug in my right ear today and no one has noticed! HA HA HA HA HA

I just leather-cleaned my sofa and I feel like my life has improved by 200 points

I got really sad tonight and bought a pack of 3 flasks on eBay. They’re supposed to be for “Camping Emergency Survival” but I’m going to fill them with red wine or seltzer water to look tough

I want to start a Things Kristin Eats While On Prednisone blog because it’s getting funny, kind of pathetic, SO MUCH. for real this time.
If I only have 4 followers on my regular blog let’s think of the followers for that blog:
no one. absolutely no one.

Reaching my Fit Bit step goal is probably the only thing that can make me awake and rolling around my house at 11pm at night (so late). Achilles fell asleep an hour ago.
but I reached my goal on a work day so that deserves acknowledgement. recognition.

The minute Douglas left my house I ate food for 16 consecutive minutes. this is a weird feeling

kristinbeale:

it’s unclear whether my dress fell in the toilet before or after I peed. so.

Also I wore a tighter dress today and the toilet-dunk didn’t happen again. There is a moral in this

kristinbeale:

There’s something wrong with my right ear (I can hear my heartbeat. Tonitis??) so I have to listen to Beyoncé kind of loud. I mean. I have to it’s not my fault

The medicine in taking to fix my ear (I HEAR NOTHING NOW. I am scared) has side effects “increased appetite” and “retains double the water” - worst possible. After A BANANA, LUNCH, 16oz OF TEA, CHEETOS, and SO MANY CRAVINGS, I remembered the increased appetite part. I’m determined to fight it but this is weird it’s like I’ve never felt this hungry before. doesn’t seem like a lot of food when I list. I am a mouse but today feel like a lion

it’s unclear whether my dress fell in the toilet before or after I peed. so.

Thanks to my top-thigh “26.2” tattoo, me and my wound care nurse are planning to do a half marathon together in the fall. I am happy about this

I FOUND IT

Do people remember BonziBuddy? The free downloadable desktop monkey that told jokes and answered questions and sang songs. 

That’s how I know the song Daisy Bell (Londer Pat Phillips) and it gets stuck in my head in Bonzi’s voice. This morning