I woke up with a black eye(?) on Friday that is primarily located in the corner of my right eye so 1. I didn’t notice it until Friday afternoon (thought it was running mascara) and 2. I can kiiiinda get away with if i don’t mind people thinking I’m slobby (is it running mascara?).

I cut 5 inches off my hair because maybe it would help me get over liking a boy so much

AND I’M SERIOUS i think it did. If I get a haircut every time my heart is broken I will soon be bobbed, though. but can’t believehowmuchithelped.

“Get a dog” and “cut your hair” are my only advice points now. don’t ask me

Achilles’ head smells like a tortilla

A boy on Bumble told me he’s “super happy” I’m in a wheelchair. so. here we go.

(I have a fever) so I emailed my doctor this morning for an appointment and she said “I was going to check on you today because you looked sick in the Facebook picture you posted this weekend.”

HAHAHA

1. I wasn’t sick at the time of that picture

2. Benefits of Facebook

I plan to change my sheets tomorrow for the third time in 4 days and I have lost control a little bit. It’s just

very

fun to me. Adult fun

Go To Sleep by Ludacris is stuck in my head almost every night when I’m lying in bed. it is a curse

Q of the week:

what do you do when you’re bleeding out of BOTH NOSTRILS. pictures upon request.

benefits of dating a beautiful man from out of town:

I paint my fingernails a different color when I see him but that’s only on the weekends so I don’t have to have my act together all the time. I’m on my 4th color and bought 2 more today.

(probably goes unnoticed but HOW FUN IS THIS, right?)

Trick:

a vase-amount of water spilled in my car cup holder and I diiiidn’t want to clean it up so I waited 2 weeks for the water to evaporate. thank you

I hid from my first door-to-door child salesmen today and it was EXHILERATING.

I threw up but it was not unlike the smoothie I had for lunch. not mad

I went to a dance party tonight but I literally just sat on the side and ate cold cauliflower instead of dancing

Achilles growls at a pit bull who takes walks in our neighborhood but she is

just

a small dog wearing a t shirt

if Achilles sees me lip syncing to Beyonce she might think it’s my real voice and then I’ll have one person(?) tricked

Right now 3 of the main people I text message with have their Read Reciepts turned on and I feel like I’m finally winning

Interacting with a man who respects and genuinely cares about me is the MOST FOREIGN PART of my life right now (but also it’s amazing).

The amount of times I’ve happy-cried in the past 8 days is embarrassing? STAGGERING. hey, beginning of the month.

changing your razor head is the cheapest and easiest way to change your life

in 2018 dating

my biggest turn-on is not receiving unrequested (they’re never requested) naked pictures. hey why is that a thing