Marine Corps Marathon was cancelled on Halloween (SADDEST), so I registered for 3 half marathons, 1 full marathon, a 5k, and a 10k all before December 4th. what am I doiiiiiing

I rolled in poop, it transferred to my hand, and Christopher has been calling me Poop Hand all day

I’m writing a book right now (number 4!) (so busy but so fun!) and I’m realizing that I love the word “though.” I just love it. Does anyone care what my favorite word is?

Talking about pregnancy and babies is soOoOo boring, but it’s a super easy topic to talk about for a long time with women I have nothing in common with.

People who think I’m obsessed with getting pregnant because I used this tactic:

- a whole baby shower full of white girls

- my stepsister

- someone I met on set of a movie last week

- and one old man who emails me every week.

I’ve devoted so much time to this conversation already. Please no one talk about babies around me I already know everything

Real love is being in a fight with Christopher and he still gets me the the guacamole upgrade at Chipotle. wowwwwww when I might not deserve it

happy 16th (accident-)anniversary, little bug

My favorite thing about my husband is that he lets me pull his finger before he farts

I’m VERY proud of how clear my pee is these days so I left in it the toilet for Christopher to see and also be proud, but he only complained that it smells and I need to flush it. HAHA it doesn’t smell badly there’s no way it does. I’m peeing water and I’m so proud of myself.

Today is Achilles’ 9th birthday and I’m trying to be happy for her but I’m sad that she’s aging (like fine wine) (but I still cried)

There’s an event next year that I don’t want to go to, but will definitely be invited. This year I used the excuse “I’m saving money to build a house so I can’t afford it,” and next year I’m looking forward to the excuse “i have a baby so I can’t afford it.” I’m going to have this baby so i can get out of this event, basically. I reeeally don’t like saying “no”

Christopher and I laid down to take a nap today but I was so excited to be taking a nap that I couldn’t fall asleep for the whole 20 minutes

I got scammed TWICE this week and fell for it both times. So now I’m checking my bank account 2+ times daily to make sure I wasn’t robbed, and I’m trying to get the smell of burnt Oreo out of my [ENTIRE] house

= “sitting next to Achilles”

her bed is on a table!

*updated* best feeling in the world:

Being really tried from a workout/bike ride, but also being clean from a shower. Then sitting next to Achilles and reading my book, but keep falling asleep. Then waking up again next to Achilles, and having a quality book to resume reading.

Also, knowing that all I’ve eaten today is a protein smoothie and avocado toast so my stomach is almost all the way empty but I feel fine. Eating disorder idea🎶AaA🎶tions never go away. (I’m healthy now don’t worry)

Every day I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch (protein smoothie breakfast, avocado toast lunch) and I get away with it because I’m training for a marathon. BUT REALLY I just don’t like food and have an excuse not to eat very much of it. For the win! 

when I don’t eat breakfast with Christopher —

I actually physically lick the leftover avocado off of my plate, like a dog. I act like a dog

I’m using a Marriott washcloth that we borrowed/stole/kinda indirectly paid for and it’s so soft I want 10 more. But I have to steal????

Life update:

I bought 2 40-packs (so, 80) of Lance peanut butter crackers and I’ve used them as meal replacement 3 days in a row

A normal night dinner: one taco & a glass of water

Last night, when Christopher was gone for dinner and I was eating alone: one taco, two slices of pizza, a cupcake, nothing to drink

I quoted a Beyoncé song to Papa yesterday and he didn’t understand my reference

(92 years old) (happy birthday)