To have my massage therapist say, “Do you have anything to do after this? We’re going over time” is my greatest accomplishment of 2023

(a massage! happy 18th accident anniversary, Kristin)

I play the same Cut-My-Hair-And-When-Someone-Asks-How-Much-I’m-Cutting-I-Say-I’m-“Going-Short-This-Time”-Then-Send-Them-A-Picture-Of-A-Woman-With-A-Bob-Haircut-And-Say-It’s-A-Selfie  trick on someone I love literally every time I cut my hair (only every ~9 months, but still) and it’s NOT funny. They don’t even fake laughs very hard but I still do it every time for some reason

I’m 32 years old and I just discovered how good it feels to put lotion all over my face (it’s so good, I recommend)

update (& oh how the tables turn):

I used to cut Achilles’ hair with my (kitchen) scissors, and now I’m using her (grooming) scissors to cut my own.

I didn’t cut too much and I still look like a girl, so we’re good

I always get scared of myself when I’m about to cut my own hair because WITHOUT FAIL I get into a “oh, it’ll grow back” mind and cut waay too much. I’m about to cut it, stay tuned

sometimes right before I get comfy, Malachi pees, spits up, or liquid poops on me. sometimes all in one day (today!!)! Having a boy is a [not sarcastic] BLAST. it’s so fun

Check out the SUSPENDERS on sir

(church dedication) we love him so much

I fiiinally got to ride my handcycle for an hour today and I just had nursery rhymes in my head the whole time. Literally singing the mockingbird song the whole time I rode.

am I a mom or WHAT. help

I discovered how to schedule emails to be sent in future, so I’m taking CARE of things. Checking in on someone after her surgery (in the future), asking people to review Wide Awake after it comes out (on 08/15), and following up after a conversation (I’m having next week). I guess people have known about this feature for years?

I tell Christopher Malachi’s looks like “a good mix of us” but he is a MAMAS BOY. amiright? I wiiiiin

The most annoying thing Malachi does is sleep all the flippin’ time

Now that we have a robot mop/vacuum (“BootyBot”), I see ONE SPOT on the floor and I mop the whole house. It makes me feel responsible, I don’t care how much soap solution I’m wasting

I had a dream that I wrote a bunch of blog post ideas in the sand with a stick, then the water came and washed them away. I was devastated, it was a nightmare? Don’t anyone tell me I’m not committed to posting silly one-liners for you guys

Christopher is teaching Malachi how to toss his farts (at me)

I looked in the mirror this morning and decided I looked like a beautiful mermaid because I didn’t have mascara on and looked like I just got out of a pool. Then I looked in the mirror at lunchtime and HAHA I still looked like I got out of a pool, but in the worst way. why didn’t Christopher tell me

I’m at a point that days I put on pants and don’t leave my house feel like a humongous waste. 

— the putting on pants part is the waste, not staying in. Malachi growing up and me having to wear them around him every day will be a ruUde awakening

It’s so funny that Malachi loves milk so much

Malachi is 2 months old and I’m already ITCHIN’ for another baby. I just love him and being a mom so much. somebody stop me (you can’t hehehe)

Malachi is like a chocolate soft serve machine

DO YOU GET IT

Sorry! (& I’m not) that I have to stop text messaging with people (& family) who “heart” and “thumbs up” my text messages instead of using words to respond. why is that a thing