I can’t wait until I’m pregnant because 1. baby on the way, but 2. I’ll have an excise for crying about things that are so dumb. “it’s pregnancy hormones”

- to call Malachi a California King but not like a king of California, like the mattress

I’m crackin’ myself up over here

I successfully taught Malachi to wipe his mouth and nose on his shirt and when he does it I could not be more proud

Not trying to brag, but I accidentally stuck my arm through the armpit hole in my shirt, thinking it was the arm slot.

My husband says “Why do you wear that shirt? We have enough money to buy a new one, Kristin.”

I’ve had it since 2008. I can’t throw it away now? !

How we’re doing Christmas for Malachi:

• No Santa Claus

• 4 gifts from mama and papa: something you need, something you want, something that teaches you about the Bible (this category will change yearly), and something you read

• Fun presents in the stocking, but I’m very limited by how much I can fit

The point is to make Christmas about Jesus, not greed and material things. I’m passionate about it.

that being said,

it’s only October but it’s already so FREAKING HARD to not buy many presents for Malachi now that he laughs and plays and is the perfect boy. (He was too young to be laughing and playing last year, but he was perfect). When we made this plan I didn’t realize how much fun it is to buy toddler toys

I’ve accidentally taught Malachi to put his finger into fan blades. I’ve caught him doing it to three different fans. Hahah ooopsie

Unreasonable things that make me cry, pt. 31: Not One Minute More by Earl Grant (song). It’s a sweet song so this isn’t ridiculous, but I was weeping. I got a negative pregnancy test last night so I don’t have any justification for this. ?!

Raised him right: Malachi dances when I play Billy Joel, etc. but sits like Stonehenge when I play Veggie Tales, Kids Bop, other kid music

Malachi is like a grandpa: He always has a balled up tissue in his hand. I truly don’t know where he’s getting them, but every time I take it from him and throw it away, he gets another one. FROM WHERE?!

something about the nighttime that makes me want to buy things on Temu.

not* “somebody stop me,” because Christopher already has. But I still look???

I tried one week of listening to Veggie Tales/kid music with Malachi and I just CAN’T. I wake up singing kid songs and I can’t stop. You don’t know what it’s like to have the New Testament sang by a cucumber in your head all day. He’s back to Billy Joel, Eric Clapton, and Sinatra this week.

This post to prove that I tried

Not a conspiracy theorist, but people not telling me about my running mascara/raccoon eyes feels like a conspiracy against me. Literally I have it to my cheekbones

It’s disappointing that I don’t have any “Christopher is out of town! Now I can ___!” or “I’m home alone (with Malachi)! Finally we’ll ____!” Christopher is gone for the weekend and the only thing we’re doing differently is playing Bible songs at volume

The fact: when you're pregnant, your tastebuds change. Things you usually love will taste yucky.

The application: we just went out for hibachi. I got hibachi salmon, which comes with fried rice, which tasted YUCKY and I couldn't eat it. I'm pregnant! I thought about it all dinner and on the way home, I'm excited because I'm pregnant!! then I took a test and I'm not, Christopher told me "the bad chef was working tonight." aaaaand I deflated. I thought the fried rice was going to be my pregnancy story, y'all

I freakin love folding fitted sheets. Why does everyone hate on it so much?? Match is the corners and roll it like a ball. bam and doesn’t even look sloppy.

somebody please argue with me about this

As they get older, my grandparents are renaming me. I used to be Kristin, but now I’m Christine, Christian, Kristian, and Kris. I think it’s wonderful and so cute

Cleaning the house is soo much slower (and so much sweeter) when Malachi is behind me, pushing my wheelchair where he wants me to go. it’s ok for now but when he gets old enough to know better, YOU BET I’m gonna smack his hands when he tries to push. (I don’t like it!!!) (but I love it now!!! so small, so sweet)

e.g. we’re throwing away Old tangerines from the refrigerator, but I’m stuck in the laundry room I can’t get out without rolling over his fingers. Help! but don’t help! I love it!

Malachi was crying so I was switching between whispering “you’re good” and “you’re okay” to calm him down but INSTEAD I whispered “you’re gay” in his ear 5 times before catching it. hehe

Now it’s so many people are getting Botox lip injections, I am suspect of everyone who has medium to big ones. Who cares, but I can’t stop wondering. trust no lip

Christopher got a free loaf of bread then our groceries totaled $46.46 so I ran to the bathroom to take a pregnancy test. it was negative but wouldn’t that be a STORY for the table. we got a free loaf of bread on your (kinda) birthday, son