something accidentally kinda creepy I did —
I hit my toe and it started bleeding and dropped on the unfinished floor of my parents’ condo. Tomorrow morning they’re putting carpet in and I’m not going to wash it off so that this will be my room for.ev.er. We’re blood sisters
A v attractive Florida boy told me I have a cute face so I sent him a picture of me in the hospital with chewed food in my mouth & it wide open (to convince him otherwise?? Kristin why).
How to: flirt. Help me.
I started a new pet peeve tonight: people telling me “I make friends everywhere I go because i just I love people. I just talk to anyone.”
We allllllll do. Stop trying to brag about it because I don’t know how to politely express my frustration
I haven’t had to wear underwear or a bra for the past 4 weeks but now I’m out so “you should put those on before we go out tonight, Kristin.” (the outside world might not be all it’s cracked up to be)
I made Mom and Dad listen to Bubba Sparxx - Ms. New Booty on the way home from the hospital (because I’m now the true Ms. New Booty) and Mom loved it, Dad sang along. who are these people
We told our waitress that tonight at dinner was my Freedom Party, she asked “freedom for what?” and dad told her I’m going to jail tomorrow for murdering someone. She side-looked at the knives on the table HAHA and left. We never set her straight so did she believe us???? I look like a murderer
(I’m not going to jail & i didn’t hurt anyone dw)
Today I got out of the hospital so we’re having another Freedom Day (sushi, Super Target, shrimp tacos, Margarita Monday). Dad told our sushi waitress that it’s Freedom Day because I just got out of jail for dog fighting, so she gave me a free chocolate dessert
If blocks of gold came in cream form it would look like: Biofreeze. (birthday is September 2nd common)
today I sat upright&in my wheelchair for the first time in 3 weeks so as I was going down the hallway I had HOPED and EXPECTED people to be clapping and cheering for me as I passed, but no one hardly looked me in the eyes. everyone is rude
being in the hospital all day for weeks with internet connection is (so) dangerous. for my money. I’m keeping a list of things I’m buying and check this out:
socks (for Achilles), koala costume (Achilles), toothbrush bone (Achilles), 3 avocado slicers, (pre-ordered) book, stick-on bra, zebra pens (!), 1 foot of theraband, Monopoly Deal, 3 dresses, 2 shirts. that’s 17 items. what is wrong with me
Talking to a nurse (aid) and she says “you’re so pretty do you have a boyfriend?”
I said no.
She asks “when is your birthday?”
September.
“Oh you’re a Virgo that’s why you’re single.” Then she STOMPED and turned around toward the door hahahaha. but she didn’t walk out because she stayed and talked to me for 40 more minutes. But the drama. So funny
I thought the lady across the hall (who I caught watching me admiring my armpit hair- long beautiful locks) was waving “hello” to me but she was really signaling that she needed my help getting a nurse. And all I did was SMILE and WAVE BACK. I’m failing at this place
What is it called when I cry because the dogs in the Westminster Dog Championship are very cute? Is that a happy-cry or what
Benefit of being in the hospital in Florida:
all the nurses compare me to their other patients, mostly old and moan a lot (i.e. everyone in this state), so they stay and talk to me more than normal. So far I’ve sold 2 books and have a new Facebook follower.
(small victories). ok I’ll stop posting about the hospital. it’s really not that exciting
I’m such a PT rat that I slept on the hospital’s theraband at night. I’m prepared to do tricep extensions in. my. sleep.
(jk about the rat part)
I steered my doctor to a wound on my butt by telling him to “look at dat ass” so clearly I’m getting too comfortable here
Whenever a nurse comes in my room (too often, seriously) i squeak for some reason. It sounds like “he-igh” except high pitched. I don’t know why I do it
Also whenever I’m in the hospital (not often but it has happened before) he runs to the white board on the wall and changes my name. This time I’m “Little Baby” and for some reason the nurses are leaving it there
New hospital, new white board.
Nope, there’s no story behind this. Dad just nicknamed me Blade
Dad is in my hospital room playing Toon Blast at max volume and keeps shouting “you jelly?” at me whenever he scores points. I’ve never been embarrassed of him but he’s trying v hard
Secret out: I’m in the hospital for the next 6 weeks
but
I matched with a man on Bumble who offered (his idea) to come visit me, first date, in my hospital bed. something about these Florida boys
I have a cut on my nose and I don’t know how it got there but I like how the scab looks so I don’t really ever want it to fall off. sucks