I’ve ordered 15 dresses and one wedding guest dress in the past 7 days, and each one for UNDER $5. except for the wedding dress, but that was also very affordable. I feel like I’m at the top of my life right now

I just told Christopher that I’m glad Malachi isn’t “a seasonal item and that he’ll be ours forever.”

Hahahaha

but it’s true I’m glad

Why does rotisserie chicken smell like farts? think about that next time

Update that no one asked (but we’re all thankful) for:

I’ve gone from losing a house cat’s worth of hair, to a small groundhog. 5.1 months into postpartum, it’s finally stopping. (this is the ONLY bad part of pregnancy, so it’s fine. I didn’t like that hair anyway)

Second sign that I’m in MOM territory:

I joined a mom’s group. 

I cringed, then I had lots of fun. maybe this is who I am now???

Before Malachi, I told myself that I won’t talk about his poop in public, to other people, like anyone else cares (I didn’t at ALL). But tonight I caught myself saying “Great! Malachi pooped before lunch today, so its been a good day,” in response to just “hi, how are you”

(when he doesn’t poo-splode in the morning, I’m wait for the ball to drop all day long)

WHO HAVE I BECOME.

Dark chocolate morsels everywhere: 

on my seat cover (looked like poo but WASN’T); inside the back of my bra near the clasp (?) (found it when I was in bed, I smeared in on my sheets, I had to change them); and in the fork drawer (the only one that kind of almost makes sense).

this reminds me of when the same thing happened during my dried-kale-eating-obsession: there was a piece of kale stuck to my thigh as I was getting out of the shower. how does that even happen?

I used to leave my pee in the toilet so I could (brag) show Christopher how clear it is, but he makes me flush it down now. ugh

I knew I’d crossed the line into MOM when I told my friend that his a girlfriend “looks delightful.”   ???

the difference of before and after Malachi:

before — I squirm and wash my hands if anything gets on them at all. anything

after — today I actually hoped he would mistake my knuckle for a pacifier. then when he did I was just grinnin’

Still, 4 months later, I sometimes forget that Malachi is real and MINE and sleeping in the other room. So I get to remember and be so excited again. This happens first thing in the morning or after he takes a [annoyingly] long nap. It’s the best, it’s the same thing I felt when I used to go through a breakup (I forget that I’m single again, I have to remember, I’m sad), except OPPOSITE.

One of the biggest adjustments since having Malachi and since he’s been sleeping through the night is not getting to work out at any time of the day like I used to. having to plan ahead**. I guess that’s what everyone has to do, though? am I so spoiled because I haven’t had an out-of-home job in 5 years? (yes)

I found the saddest feeling: when my body hurts like it does after a very hard workout, but all I’ve done is warp my body around holding Malachi all day. it’s a little less sad when you see how BEAUTIFUL he is, but still

I’ve had songs from the Mulan soundtrack in my head since I woke up this morning at 3am. I went back to sleep, but immediately started Bringing Honor To Us All. it’s a good movie but help

I haven’t been a cheerleader for 19 years but please belieEeve I still wear the underwear (“lollies”) from my old uniform. They’re slick! and they’re kinda tight. but it’s ok

To have my massage therapist say, “Do you have anything to do after this? We’re going over time” is my greatest accomplishment of 2023

(a massage! happy 18th accident anniversary, Kristin)

I play the same Cut-My-Hair-And-When-Someone-Asks-How-Much-I’m-Cutting-I-Say-I’m-“Going-Short-This-Time”-Then-Send-Them-A-Picture-Of-A-Woman-With-A-Bob-Haircut-And-Say-It’s-A-Selfie  trick on someone I love literally every time I cut my hair (only every ~9 months, but still) and it’s NOT funny. They don’t even fake laughs very hard but I still do it every time for some reason

I’m 32 years old and I just discovered how good it feels to put lotion all over my face (it’s so good, I recommend)

update (& oh how the tables turn):

I used to cut Achilles’ hair with my (kitchen) scissors, and now I’m using her (grooming) scissors to cut my own.

I didn’t cut too much and I still look like a girl, so we’re good

I always get scared of myself when I’m about to cut my own hair because WITHOUT FAIL I get into a “oh, it’ll grow back” mind and cut waay too much. I’m about to cut it, stay tuned